Many things in life feel beyond our control.

External forces that seem to conspire against us to keep us off balance. Adding to the cut and thrust of life that appears to reward what we don't believe in, what we don't care for.

It can often feel like trying to navigate through an immovable force designed to make you think and feel only doubt. To make you believe the story, that what you desire is what everybody else seems to have already.

The truth is that I’m so grateful I never met Mark when I was younger because I believe we may have become great friends at the wrong time. Our shared enthusiasm for good times, mischief, and memorable moments along with our addictive personalities, may (just may) have led to good times for all the wrong reasons.

I first met Mark at a different, some may say, more mature stage of my life. We were both attending a Qi Gong class, which later we found out was a budding passion for us both. In this particular class, Mark was just another face in the sea of people looking to change their lives, looking for what lies beyond their present reality. 

All I ever wanted was to simply be accepted. Yet here I am, surrounded by the illusion of emptiness. Slowly dissipating, as if mimicking, yet mocking my life goals. A design of my very own, a destination that started as a suggested path yet became an imposed reality.

A path I chose to crowd with self-made distraction, to make me like you, to make you like me, to create the illusion of connection. To keep me busy enough from ever knowing myself, from ever achieving the one thing I desired above all. A genuine self-connection

I find it strange, even laugh at times, that I live with a partner who has such a defined and focused purpose. Because when I look at myself, nothing could be further from the truth. 

You see, all I crave and desire is to have no purpose at all. Yet remain open to all of life’s opportunities, as if uninhibited by what I say I desire, what I claim to be my purpose.

The moments of us that I hold dear are the calm after the storm, where the perceived destruction reveals the beauty of reality. The sideways glances and knowing smiles that have never faded yet feel less frequent: the endless patients and love, both strong enough to tear the other apart.

We are far from perfect. That is a fantasy played out in the hearts and minds of others. Yet I believe it’s our imperfections that make us perfect, that makes us willing to look long and hard at the reflection we still understand little about, yet are willing to explore for the other.

Over the past months, I’ve kept away from the right and wrong debates that seem only to serve a few, yet add fuel to the fire for all. 

I have chosen to bypass the concepts of the new normal - the way it’s being presented. Because what is normal? Surely it’s a unique concept to us all. 

I’ve kept my head down, my eyes open, and my thoughts inwards. Working towards a quiet kind of satisfaction that fulfils me beyond what I desire.

Why do I love this photo of you?

It could be the simple fact that it makes me smile, or perhaps it could be the fact that this is you. All of you, and that is enough for me, my friend.

I know you have a deep desire to understand all we think, feel, and believe, but lately, I have heard you say, “I don’t know.”

It’s easier than you think to create change and far less painful than you might have imagined.

1 - find a problem from the past.

2 - Shatter that problem or belief.

I heard a saying the other day that piqued my interest.

At face value, it’s just another simple hashtag, designed to make the author feel liked.

‘There are no failures in life, just lessons.’

I have one. I am one.

But am I the best one I can be?

Or do I do enough to keep my bias judgment relevant?

My brother and I were close as we grew up. I clearly remember that we enjoyed each other's company. We did a hell of a lot together.

Be still, be quiet, feel your breath, your essence, just for a moment. Leave your needs, your desires, your ego behind. Dissipate your self-serving sense of need, surrendering to a simple moment beyond you. 

Knowing, yet not needing to understand, that pure creation has little to do with you, with me, with us. It was made for all of us to enjoy, dwell in, and live for with a freedom that few will experience, yet all should know.

Don’t just hate the system that creates the injustices you so passionately dislike. Question your part in it.

If we want to change in the world, in this life, then it is not enough for us to state what we don’t like or disagree with or what offends us and our seemingly so ever delicate moral compass.

You pushed me away, towards the brink of the darkest place I have ever embraced. So please, just for a moment, just as I have done for you, find the compassion needed to set me free.

You see, I am growing older, more experienced, yet with every passing day, I feel wearier. 

When she left, I didn’t know where to turn, what to say, how to help. I guess this was a shortcoming of mine that remains, as to this day, I still don’t know what to say.

Sure, I have suffered loss, but not like this. You lost a piece of your heart that would never return, never mend, never be heard again. You lost something so dear to you that every day seemed as dark as the next, a shaded illusion of the life you use to embrace.

A man hidden in the shadows,

A man bathed in light.

I seem to have been born with a feeling that constantly tugs at me, demanding that I kiss my comfort zone goodbye, hit the road, and live life learning through experience. Thankfully it is an experience I choose to embrace, and today I was reminded why.

I set off on a short journey, walking around the island of Bali. I have no idea why; I just knew it was time. I guess it was just that little voice inside me suggesting there is more to learn in this life than what you believe you know. And so it began.

Is what I desire just over there?

Or is just over there, keeping me from what I desire?

Signs of success can arrive at our doorstep in many forms, guises, and disguises. Yet they always arrive, presenting many rewards and hiding many wounds.

Stand your ground. 

Live your truth.

Explore the reality of your being.

 The pain, the pleasure, the lies, the desperation.

Just words.

What do they mean? 

What do they change? 

Who do they touch? 

What is the point?

The power of the human spirit is a wondrous joy to behold, that never ceases to amaze and humble me. Yet you will never find the true depths of your own spirit, unless you push yourself beyond what your mind tells you is possible. Unless you find a way to listen and to communicate with your inner voice, the inner spirit that knows exactly what you are capable of.