Mark - aka 4 Toes
The truth is that I’m so grateful I never met Mark when I was younger because I believe we may have become great friends at the wrong time. Our shared enthusiasm for good times, mischief, and memorable moments along with our addictive personalities, may (just may) have led to good times for all the wrong reasons.
I first met Mark at a different, some may say, more mature stage of my life. We were both attending a Qi Gong class, which later we found out was a budding passion for us both. In this particular class, Mark was just another face in the sea of people looking to change their lives, looking for what lies beyond their present reality.
Later I would come to understand that what I saw in Mark was a mirror of what lurked deep inside of me - both the good and the bad, both the funny and the sad, and both the brave and the scared. But this was a mirror that I still didn’t understand and still did not have the knowledge to face honestly.
So as two Australian males, we shook hands and said, “How’s it going, mate?” The very same greeting I had used thousands of times before, the very same greeting that I had never taken the time to hear the answer to. But for some unknown reason, I instantly felt comfortable in Mark’s presence. It was not that he had the answers everybody was so desperately seeking. No, Mark was not a self-proclaimed guru. It was simply because, like me, he was a little broken and prepared to admit it, ready to own it, prepared to work with it, and in my life experience, these are rare qualities.
As males tend to do when meeting a potential friend for the first time, we undertook a subconscious and inherent tribal process that begins by circling each other, as if trying to assess whether it is safe to approach. From here, predictably, we progressed to a lightweight and veiled conversation that touched on our shared indiscretions from the past in the hope of creating an initial bond, yet always having the ability to fall back and regroup.
The next stage of what I would call our typical male introduction was allowing the conversation to focus on our current beliefs. Ensuring that it was safe to navigate the sometimes land-mine-infested terrain that can span from the near future to distant desires.
I’m sorry to say; this is sometimes the dance men are willing to undertake to find friendships, that can become safe havens in any storm they face. Hang on; I’m not sorry about this at all. I value this dance and the friendships it can create.
As these conversations naturally grew, like all great things in life, they quickly became more challenging and more introspectively thought-provoking. With every passing truth we shared, I found that my friendship with Mark started to become more than I had ever imagined.
No topic was off-limits. Delving into the areas that male friendships sometimes find taboo was encouraged and embraced. It was quickly becoming apparent that this growing bond between two mates was becoming a friendship that was destined to evolve into something bigger than each individual.
I must admit, it took me by surprise, and after a bit of soul-searching, I began to understand that our friendship, our conversations, and our experiences together were being conveyed differently. It became clear to me that the simple fact that listening, hearing, and understanding were more important than saying and knowing. This wasn’t new to me, nor to Mark. But what was surprising was the speed at which it had arrived for us both.
We quickly began to enjoy a language where a simple look could convey a plethora of thoughts, where a moment of silence while being there for the other could mean more than overt displays of understanding. I quickly began to realise that my friendship with Mark was an unexpected lesson in growth, both the good and the bad, the ugly and the beautiful, the compassionate and the disciplined. But always the truth, taught by a teacher, a peer, an equal, that just may well have been as scared as me. We were becoming each other’s mirrors that served as the perfect reflection to safely explore the areas we both know lurked deep inside.
Our ongoing friendship has continually challenged us both to work harder, to do it better, but not in a way our current politically correct societies condone. But in my opinion, in a far better way, that speaks to two men just trying to do it better today than yesterday. For me, this blunt honesty has the proven potential to develop a lasting friendship built on a foundation of trust that will reach long into the future, and for that, I will be forever grateful.
This friendship has revealed so many personal and unexpected truths. This friendship that I hold dear has taught me to face my fears and embrace my fearful hopes for the future. This friendship has helped me understand that my imperfect past does not define my imperfect future.
This friendship is a friendship I will always value.
When writing this, it all sounds so simple, yet nothing could be further from the truth. We all know that our past does not define our future. Yet sometimes, when you find yourself in a perfect storm of negative learned behaviour, it can be an easy thing to forget. In times like these, it is good to have a friend who will act as your mirror of harsh truth, shining a light on the things you’ve hidden in the shadows, being there to soften the blow of honesty with a reassuring smile when it all falls to shit.
Mark is this friend to me.