For A Friend

If I stand in silence and feel the warm kiss of the setting sun and the cooling breeze of the world that surrounds me…

Will you appear, will you embrace me, will you never leave my side?

If I listen with a quiet mind, a whole heart, and no expectation, what will my lesson be?

Will you show me the future, explain the past, or will we enjoy the now?

If we talk and I don't understand, will you judge me, discard me? Or will you hold me close until I find the space to comprehend your simple message that you've told me time and time again?

If I still don't trust me, will you?

These are the simple yet somewhat painful conversations I have had with a very special person over the years.

When I think back on these little self chats, my thoughts begin to turn towards self-love. A term that's gained popularity yet still can be mis-understood. As in many communities, the term has become an anthem for those believing they hold the elusive answers to life.

It seems as though self-love is a concept that is validated by proving you love yourself to the outside world. A world that will applaud your actions and reward you with a like, but is this self-love or self-loathing.

Is having an eternally optimistic message, walking on the beach, watching the sunset, meditating, doing a full moon yoga session, or any session you pay to be part of, really self-love? If it is motivated by needing others to see it, by requiring others to like it, tell you that what you are doing is amazing, then I doubt that is even close to self-love. In fact, these acts may be closer to self-validation.

For me, self-love is a different concept, and it's a far smaller experience than anything else I have mentioned. Personally, self-love begins with the quiet conversations that go on daily within yourself.

The conversations where you are found to be questioning your ability, your beliefs, or your success. These small and seemingly insignificant chats are the basis for true self-love. For it is in these conversations, the questions asked, and the answers given that the act of self-love truly begins.

It's a very well-known fact that the brain is so smart, yet it can also be rather straightforward. The brain will answer every question you ask it, so you have to make sure that your questions are the right ones.

It's the questions you ask and the answers you receive that become the basis of your very own self-love. I know this seems like such a fundamental approach to something rather complicated, but if we look at it from a different view, maybe it's a simple approach for a simple concept.

When did it become normal to mentally punish ourselves daily? When did it become acceptable to ignore our constant success no matter their size? When did we forget to be as kind to ourselves as we are to others?

The simple question I ask myself is, did I do my best? More often than not, the answer makes me smile, yes I did my best; and so begins the beautiful process of self-love.

The act of self-love can be small; it can go unnoticed, a secret just for you. But this simple act will resonate with the one it is intended for- you.

Practice self-love daily, practice when no one is watching, practice when the payoff seems small, practice because like anything in life, self-love is a habit you need to nurture and grow, to reek all of its beautiful rewards.