My Corner

I wished my corner looked like yours.

I think I am envious, standing here taking in all the details of your colourful character, an excellent example of an internal soul creating external art for all to see. A murmur rumbles deep down within me; I wish I were brave enough to expose my unique self for the world to see.

And in my way, I think I do.

My expression of self may not be as extravagant or impressive as yours, it may appear narrow to some, even small, but it is my expression that I have worked hard to reveal.

In the recent past, I would have only seen your beauty, judging it against myself, finding fault in yours to justify my existence. A meaningless cycle of self-protection, driven by an ego too fragile to be hurt.

Better to attack than be attacked, right?

It turns out that no, it's wrong!

Living by schoolyard rules and behaviour kept me silent, hidden, scared for so long that I failed to see a unique beauty that was me. I didn't create for creation's sake, more to be rewarded for who I believed I was.

Years spent proving I was good enough to be accepted but accepted by who? 

By me! 

In the end, it turns out that the only person I was comparing myself too, was the person in my head who I thought I should be. And while I could see and love the creation of beauty around me, I never really felt worthy enough to take the time to appreciate what I had created, what I had achieved, what I had become.

My battle was with my mind, a mind-controlled by an ego seemingly out of control, out to prove a point that I never understood. 

It sounds like a speeding train heading towards the end of the tracks, but the reality was far less dramatic; it was just a slow-moving existence, slightly off course.

To bring everything back to true alignment, I just had to treat myself as I treated others. Slowly but surely, I gave myself the freedom to create without failure, appreciate without comparison, and forgive without regret.

Now I can stand on my corner and admire what I have achieved, and in the same breath, look upon your creation and see its true beauty.